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Body Image, Weight, and the Looking Glass Self: A Call to Action
Well, I haven't really posted thinky thoughts here before, but ![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-community.gif)
14valentines is underway, and it got me fired up. Today's theme is Body Image, and there's an excellent essay here. As an overweight woman, body image is a topic that hits close to home. I feel pretty comfortable in my body, but it is driven home to me every day that other people aren't comfortable with my body. That kind of disapproval takes a toll, and it's what led to this post.
The thing about being an overweight woman is, people expect you to feel bad about yourself. They offer tips on what gyms to go to, diet plans that worked or failed for them – entirely unprompted. If they want to give you a compliment, they say, “Have you lost weight?” There is a constant assumption that your weight is a burden on your mind, coloring your relationships, your perception of other people, your self esteem.
Charles Horton Cooley developed the concept of the “Looking Glass Self,” which has three primary elements:
1. The imagination of our appearance to the other person
2. The imagination of his or her judgment of that appearance
3. Some sort of self-feeling, such as pride or mortification, based on our perception of that judgment
Humans are social creatures, and the Looking Glass Self is key to our perception of who we are. When you combine the understanding of how much other people affect (and effect) our self concept with society’s disapproval of excess weight, it makes sense that so many women internalize that disapproval. It makes sense that many women feel disgusted and ashamed of their own bodies. That doesn’t make it right.
It is easy to say, “We should be more accepting of different body types.” Easy to say, but hard to do. The problem can’t be simplified to men forcing their notion of beauty onto unwilling women, or to the media cramming images of abnormally tall, thin models down our throats. This is a social problem, and women are part of society. We’re part of the problem.
Have you ever watched a heavy person get on an elevator and scoffed, “Take the stairs!” Ever said that a coworker would be really pretty if she just dropped a few pounds? Ever complimented someone by asking if she lost weight or insulted her by calling her by calling her fat, a cow, a pig, a whale? If you haven’t done any of these things, I bet a friend of yours has. Each time, each little comment, each sneer and snicker is a drop in the bucket. The drops flow over us all our lives, molding our Looking Glass Selves, and it’s no wonder we’re drowning in a sea of disapproval toward our bodies.
Seeing the problem is easy. Saying we need to fix it is easy. Actually making a change in the social perception of excess weight as bad, unattractive, and a form of personal failure is hard. I say we start small. Start complimenting people on their hair, their smile, (*gasp*) their accomplishments, rather than their weight. Treat snide comments about people’s bodies the way you would snide comments about their race, with proud disagreement and obvious disapproval. Stop publicly obsessing about your diet, your thighs, your swimsuit, and talk about your hobbies and interests instead. Each little change is a drop in the bucket, but they add up. Let’s start a tidal wave. Let’s shape a world where women can feel attractive and sexy and acceptable, whatever their size.
Let’s love each other so we can get to the point where we can love ourselves.
14valentines is underway, and it got me fired up. Today's theme is Body Image, and there's an excellent essay here. As an overweight woman, body image is a topic that hits close to home. I feel pretty comfortable in my body, but it is driven home to me every day that other people aren't comfortable with my body. That kind of disapproval takes a toll, and it's what led to this post. The thing about being an overweight woman is, people expect you to feel bad about yourself. They offer tips on what gyms to go to, diet plans that worked or failed for them – entirely unprompted. If they want to give you a compliment, they say, “Have you lost weight?” There is a constant assumption that your weight is a burden on your mind, coloring your relationships, your perception of other people, your self esteem.
Charles Horton Cooley developed the concept of the “Looking Glass Self,” which has three primary elements:
1. The imagination of our appearance to the other person
2. The imagination of his or her judgment of that appearance
3. Some sort of self-feeling, such as pride or mortification, based on our perception of that judgment
Humans are social creatures, and the Looking Glass Self is key to our perception of who we are. When you combine the understanding of how much other people affect (and effect) our self concept with society’s disapproval of excess weight, it makes sense that so many women internalize that disapproval. It makes sense that many women feel disgusted and ashamed of their own bodies. That doesn’t make it right.
It is easy to say, “We should be more accepting of different body types.” Easy to say, but hard to do. The problem can’t be simplified to men forcing their notion of beauty onto unwilling women, or to the media cramming images of abnormally tall, thin models down our throats. This is a social problem, and women are part of society. We’re part of the problem.
Have you ever watched a heavy person get on an elevator and scoffed, “Take the stairs!” Ever said that a coworker would be really pretty if she just dropped a few pounds? Ever complimented someone by asking if she lost weight or insulted her by calling her by calling her fat, a cow, a pig, a whale? If you haven’t done any of these things, I bet a friend of yours has. Each time, each little comment, each sneer and snicker is a drop in the bucket. The drops flow over us all our lives, molding our Looking Glass Selves, and it’s no wonder we’re drowning in a sea of disapproval toward our bodies.
Seeing the problem is easy. Saying we need to fix it is easy. Actually making a change in the social perception of excess weight as bad, unattractive, and a form of personal failure is hard. I say we start small. Start complimenting people on their hair, their smile, (*gasp*) their accomplishments, rather than their weight. Treat snide comments about people’s bodies the way you would snide comments about their race, with proud disagreement and obvious disapproval. Stop publicly obsessing about your diet, your thighs, your swimsuit, and talk about your hobbies and interests instead. Each little change is a drop in the bucket, but they add up. Let’s start a tidal wave. Let’s shape a world where women can feel attractive and sexy and acceptable, whatever their size.
Let’s love each other so we can get to the point where we can love ourselves.
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Oh, and hey, if you don't already read Body Impolitic (http://www.laurietobyedison.com/discuss/), you might want to check it out.
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People really don't get that saying "have you lost weight" or "you're so thin" is *not* a compliment. And if you're talking to someone who happens to be anorexic (and many people dont realize, you don't have to look thin to be anorexic) especially not helpful. Errgh.