Fic: It's Only Me (Xander/Xander, NC-17)

[allyndra]

Title: It’s Only Me

Author: Allyndra

Pairing: Xander/ Anya, Xander/Xander

Rating: NC-17

Spoilers: The Replacement

Disclaimer: If they were mine, we would have spent a lot more of the high school years in the boy’s locker room and a lot more of the later seasons watching Xander in his tool belt.  

Summary: Remember when Anya said, “Well, maybe we shouldn't do this reintegration thing right away. See, I can take the boys home, and ... we can all have sex together, and ... you know, just slap 'em back together in the morning?” Yeah.

 

Xander flickered a nervous glance at Anya and noticed the other him doing the same. “Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked her, biting his lip. “’Cause it’s not too late to change your mind.”

 

She looked at him in surprise. “Don’t be silly, Xander. This is a perfect opportunity to explore a new facet of our sexual relationship. And they do say that you should not look a gift horse in the mouth.”

 

“Yeah, I know,” the other Xander sighed. He gave Xander a commiserating look as though he knew exactly what Xander was thinking. The fact that he probably did was in no way wigsome. Honest.

 

Anya gave them an encouraging smile and unlocked the door. “I don’t know what you’re worried about. Technically, I believe this would be called masturbation for you, and all of the experts agree that masturbation is quite healthy and natural.”

 

“But masturbation is usually just about me and my hand, not about a whole other body,” Xander tried to explain.

 

“I know,” she nodded earnestly. “Think of how many more options this opens up.”

 

“That’s what I’m afraid of,” the other Xander muttered. Anya ignored him and led the way to her bedroom. She had declared her apartment the best place, as the new apartment didn’t have a bed yet and Xander’s basement smelled like pee. Her logic was inescapable. And sneaky. Xander still wasn’t quite sure how she’d overridden the denial he’d squeaked out when she’d first suggested this, but he was sure Sarek would be proud of her.

 

Anya ushered them into the bedroom, then crossed her arms beneath her breasts in the way that usually made him flush. Since he’d been blushing without pause for the last half hour, it didn’t have much impact on him at the moment.

 

“Okay,” she said briskly, “Strip.”

 

“What?!” the other Xander yelped. He sounded pretty funny when his voice broke, and Xander was glad he hadn’t been the one to say it.

 

“Neither of you has anything anyone here hasn’t seen before. Take your clothes off.” Xander traded a wary look with his double, then slowly pulled off his shirt. Of course, he had another shirt on under that one, so it didn’t seem like a big deal, but it started a trend of undressing, and soon he was naked, staring at himself.

 

Objectively, Xander knew Anya was right. This was *his* body, and he’d seen it every day. Subjectively, though, it was a naked man in the bedroom with him. It was … cool. Really cool. He’d never been this close to a naked guy without there being locker room showers and the unspoken but harshly enforced rule against looking. He circled the other Xander slowly, taking it in. Mirrors were all well and good, but he’d never seen his ass from this angle before. He eyed it and grinned a little smugly. Maybe he should invest in tighter jeans.

 

The other Xander took his turn looking, and he seemed just as fascinated. Anya was watching them closely, but she showed no signs of joining them. When Xander caught her eye questioningly, she licked her lips and said, “I think you should touch him.”

 

Xander looked to the other Xander for permission and got a tiny nod. He reached out a hand and traced the tips of his fingers over the other Xander’s collarbone, from the base of his throat out to the point of his shoulder. His skin was softer than he’d thought; he’d had some idea that he had tough manly skin, but the other Xander felt smooth under his fingertips. The other Xander let his hand take the opposite path, ending with his hand splayed against Xander’s throat. Xander felt his breath hitch as the other Xander stroked his thumb over the thin skin of his throat. He’d always had a sensitive neck, but ever since Faith, he’d been too anxious to let anyone spend much time with it. He’d resented that, feeling like Faith had stolen something from him. The other Xander raised his hand higher, finding the places that tickled and the places that tingled, and Xander waited for the panic that never came. This was him, after all. He could trust himself. He closed his eyes to let himself just feel the new sensations, so he wasn’t ready for the brush of hair against his earlobe, lips against his jaw.

 

Xander’s eyes flew open and he stared at Anya over the other Xander’s shoulder. He didn’t know what he’d expected to see. Maybe surprise, maybe anger. Not rapt attention. Her arms were still crossed, but she was gripping her upper arms tightly, and her breath was shallow and rapid. Xander didn’t think he’d ever turned her on this much without touching her. It made him bold.

 

Xander tilted his head to the side in encouragement. If he was going to have both a neck kink and a neck phobia, this might be his one chance to really enjoy this. Eyes fixed on Anya, Xander put his hands on the other Xander’s waist and slid them slowly down to his hips. Swallowing hard, he pulled the other Xander’s body closer inch by inch, until they were pressed together. The other Xander moaned, and Xander could feel it humming against his skin. It was so far beyond masturbation that Xander didn’t have a word for it.

 

“Get on the bed,” Anya ordered harshly. The other Xander’s head came up, his dark eyes blinking owlishly, and Xander wanted to glare at Anya for making him stop.

 

But the other Xander just said, “Yeah,” and dragged Xander to the bed. He sat on it and scrambled backward, pulling Xander along with him, so that Xander would up on top, crouching over the other Xander’s body. He noticed once again that it was a really nice body. He was definitely going to stop being so self-conscious after this. The other Xander lay back, curling a hand around the back of Xander’s neck to pull him down, too. Xander found himself nose to nose with his double and hesitated for a long, breathless minute. Then he lowered his head and kissed the other Xander, slowly and carefully.

 

It was unlike any other kiss he’d ever experienced. It was like the difference between knowing a song by heart and stumbling along, trying to keep up with the lyrics on the karaoke screen. He knew the other Xander by heart. Knew the taste of him, knew the angle he liked best when he kissed, knew the texture of the hair under his fingers. The kiss went from slow and careful to deep and hot, exactly like he liked it. He felt hands on his ass and a hot, hard cock against his thigh, and they didn’t freak him out. It was only him, and he knew what he liked.

 

Xander pulled back and ducked his head, nipping and kissing at the other Xander’s neck, since he’d been deprived of that for so long. It was only fair that they both got a turn. The other Xander gasped and pressed his hips up against Xander’s, making him groan and buck his own hips. And god that felt good! Xander had noticed other guys before, but if he’d known the press of an erection against his felt like that, he might have taken Larry to the prom instead of Anya.

 

Long legs wrapped around Xander’s, tangling with his and drawing him closer. They were kissing again, hands busy on each other’s bodies, knowing exactly where to touch, exactly how hard to press and how tight to hold. Xander was grinding against the other Xander now, and he could see where this would have been awkward with another guy, where they would have to work to find the rhythm. This wasn’t awkward, and it wasn’t work. It was easy, like scratching his nose with his eyes closed; he *knew* where everything was on the other Xander’s body.

 

Anya was there somewhere, Xander knew, watching them like her own private porn, but it wasn’t about her anymore. It was about them, Xander and his match, making each other feel good. There was something so freeing about this, no guesswork, no insecurity. The certainty made Xander more adventurous, want to try something new. He let one hand skate down the other Xander’s body, flat over his hip and curving over his ass. The other Xander’s legs were spread, wrapped around Xander’s, so it wasn’t difficult to sneak a hand between them. He let his hand sit along the cleft of the other Xander’s ass and pressed his thumb right against his opening, not intruding but massaging the tender flesh.

 

For the first time since they’d started, Xander didn’t know what reaction to expect. So he was caught completely off guard by the whining keen that rose out of the other Xander’s throat as he thrust up against Xander’s body and down against his thumb. The other Xander came hot and messy and unexpected, his head back so Xander could see the little red bite marks he’d left along the other Xander’s throat.

 

The sight and the feeling, and the tight little pucker spasming against his thumb were too much. Xander pressed down hard against the other Xander and poured his own orgasm out between them. When this was all over, he was going to put some serious thought into mirrors for the ceiling of his new bedroom. As he came down, Xander slumped against the warm, solid body beneath him, careful not to let his breath tickle skin that was always sensitive right after sex.

 

Anya climbed up on the bed beside them, still clothed but looking extremely satisfied. “Thank you,” she told them. “Would you be willing to do that again if I got a video camera?”

 

Xander laughed feeling the echo of his own amusement in the other Xander’s body. He felt the need for a nap sweeping over him and tensed, wondering if he’d be able to sleep with another man so close to him. He’d spent years snuggling up to girls, both platonically and romantically, but he wasn’t used to sharing space with a male body.

 

The other Xander’s hand came up, and he wove his fingers through Xander’s hair. Xander sighed and let himself relax back against the other Xander. It would be okay. It was only him.

 

*******************

 

This was inspired by the Barenaked Ladies’ song “It’s Only Me,” which has got to be the best masturbation anthem of all time. My favorite line is "I thought I was using me to get to you, but this is true and natural. It's only me." Perfect for this scenario, eh?