I just have so much love for this! I love Xander folding his hands over Jesse's, not daring to ask for more, soft best-friend puppy crush with the thrill of the touch and the misery of knowing it will never mean what he wants it to.
I love the dichotomy of Larry and Xander, who are both strangely victims, both fighting with themselves and who'll they'll let themselves be... Xander choking back his chance at winning and Larry forcing himself to be the cookie-cutter quarterback image, using it to avenge the probably very real pain of being mocked by everyone in the room, hating himself for hiding who he is but knowing that honesty and vulnerability will just lead to more cruel laughter. I don't think he likes who he is; I think he's just afraid to abandon the only shred of affection and respect he has, even knowing that it hinges on the role he's playing.
I have boundless love for Willow and Xander dancing through their confusion of friendship and unrequited love, and no way of knowing where to draw the line between the two. Especially in counterpoint to Xander's unspoken fascination for Jesse, whom he loved with the same helpless and undemanding adoration that Willow clearly feels for him. Would he himself have wanted Jesse to "tell" him? Or was the silence better - still knowing it was doomed and unreturned, but at least not actually rejected.
And god, Xander on the cusp of everything, working up his bravery and ready to take a chance, only to realize what a completely terrible idea it would be. He can't help but take his "failure" personally I'm sure, even though he's making the right choice, and it will make it even harder for him to find the courage for the next time. Beautiful shallow Devon shining and untroubled, walking easily in the light while Xander stays in the shadows of the alley and his own fears and worries, unable to step beyond what people will think, unable to stand tall and unashamed.
This whole thing was wonderful, and like four separate little gifts that were all exactly what I wanted, and they fit together in the corners to make a glorious picture of Xander in all his uncertainty and yearning.
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Date: 2007-03-12 11:43 pm (UTC)I love the dichotomy of Larry and Xander, who are both strangely victims, both fighting with themselves and who'll they'll let themselves be... Xander choking back his chance at winning and Larry forcing himself to be the cookie-cutter quarterback image, using it to avenge the probably very real pain of being mocked by everyone in the room, hating himself for hiding who he is but knowing that honesty and vulnerability will just lead to more cruel laughter. I don't think he likes who he is; I think he's just afraid to abandon the only shred of affection and respect he has, even knowing that it hinges on the role he's playing.
I have boundless love for Willow and Xander dancing through their confusion of friendship and unrequited love, and no way of knowing where to draw the line between the two. Especially in counterpoint to Xander's unspoken fascination for Jesse, whom he loved with the same helpless and undemanding adoration that Willow clearly feels for him. Would he himself have wanted Jesse to "tell" him? Or was the silence better - still knowing it was doomed and unreturned, but at least not actually rejected.
And god, Xander on the cusp of everything, working up his bravery and ready to take a chance, only to realize what a completely terrible idea it would be. He can't help but take his "failure" personally I'm sure, even though he's making the right choice, and it will make it even harder for him to find the courage for the next time. Beautiful shallow Devon shining and untroubled, walking easily in the light while Xander stays in the shadows of the alley and his own fears and worries, unable to step beyond what people will think, unable to stand tall and unashamed.
This whole thing was wonderful, and like four separate little gifts that were all exactly what I wanted, and they fit together in the corners to make a glorious picture of Xander in all his uncertainty and yearning.