allyndra

I cannot express how much I love that you love this! My first thought was to do a five things fic for this, but I couldn't come up with a good fifth thing. I like the idea that Xander never got the chance to tell Jesse how he felt, that it's one of those things Xander will look back on twenty years later and still regret. Because, even though Xander's crush was really hopeless, it was still an important part of his life.

I tried to put plenty of subtext in the Larry section, because I am so on board with the idea that Larry had this long time crush on Xander. And yes, they both feel trapped in roles that don't quite fit, but they're terrified to break out. Even if they don't like thier masks, they feel safe in them.

Willow's crush on Xander played such an important part of their interactions through the first three seasons. It was almost painful to watch, and I had to wonder how much more painful would it be to go through. And how hard would it be to know that by opening up and sharing who you are with your best friend, you would be crushing her hopes? It's a big ball of suck.

The Devon bit I just thought was fun. He's the slut of Buffy fanon, and I thought a young Xander would totally be into him. I have to wonder, since he didn't go to Devon, who this Xander did lose his virginity to. ('Cause it certainly wasn't Faith.)

Thank you for taking the time to write such wonderful comments after you had already read this. *hugs* You deserve lots of gifts.