Fic: Becoming Open (McKay/Sheppard, NC-17)

[allyndra]

TITLE: Becoming Open
AUTHOR: allyndra  
FANDOM: Stargate Atlantis
PAIRING: John Sheppard/Rodney McKay
RATING: NC-17
PROMPT: "It can be argued that a human is ultimately the sum of his experiences."
KINK: experienced partner/inexperienced partner

Written for rounds_of_kink

************************************
 

John hadn't been expecting it the first time. Rodney had been giving him a pretty spectacular blow job, and John hadn't had much attention to spare for anything else. Rodney's lips were tight and his tongue was wet, and he was doing this twisty thing as he bobbed his head up and down. John had his eyes screwed shut and his head thrown back, trying not to thrust up into Rodney's mouth. He didn't know Rodney was planning anything creative until he felt the slick finger pressing against his ass.

 

John’s eyes shot open, and his whole body jerked. "What! Hey," he gasped, trying to protest. But then Rodney sucked harder and the finger circled in a way that felt tingly and electric, and John subsided. He was still tense, but when he looked down, Rodney was staring up at him intently, so John figured he must have some kind of a plan.

 

Rodney kept up his rhythm, adding pressure until his finger slipped into John's ass. It felt strange and wrong, and John tried to shift away despite the fact that Rodney's mouth was still pretty much the best place his dick had ever been. Rodney gripped John's hip with his other hand, holding him in place, and started humming low in his throat. The vibration made John groan, his balls drawing up tight, and John decided to put up with the finger as long as Rodney kept that up. Rodney's finger started thrusting gently in and out of John's body, and it started feeling less wrong. Then Rodney hit a spot that made John jerk upright again, but this time he wasn't trying to get away. Rodney made another noise around his dick, and John thought it might have been a chuckle if Rodney's mouth hadn't been full. He didn't have time to feel offended, though, because Rodney grazed that spot inside him again and John was coming.

 

It was ... God, it felt like his entire body was part of the orgasm, like it was rolling from his toes on up. He thrust a little despite his efforts and despite Rodney's hold on his hips. Rodney sucked him all the way through it, not pulling away until John's muscles had stopped convulsing. He was lying there, spent and boneless, when Rodney lifted his mouth gently away and slid his finger out of John. Rodney's mouth was red and shiny, but it wore a smug grin as he swarmed up the bed to lie beside John.

 

"What the hell?" John asked. He meant to sound accusing, but it came out languid and satisfied.

 

"A large percentage of men enjoy prostate massage," Rodney said matter-of-factly, as though he were informing John of power usage parameters and not introducing him to a brand new kink. "I wanted to see if you were one of them."

 

"Well ..." John didn't know what to say. He clearly *was* one of them, but he'd never known it. Never even guessed it. He wanted to make Rodney promise never to do it again, but he knew that would only open him up to Rodney's personal version of psychoanalysis, which included little actual psychology and lots of suggestions of idiocy. And that would ruin the afterglow. So he kept his mouth shut and drowsed on the bed, watching through half-closed eyes as Rodney got up and pulled on his clothes.

 

"I'm going to run by the lab and make sure no one's blown the place up," Rodney said, slipping on his earpiece. He bent down and dropped a quick kiss on John's mouth. "We have a briefing in the morning. Don't oversleep." And then he was gone and John was left alone in the dark, with disturbing thoughts and an odd twinge in his ass.

 

***

 

John tried not to think about it. He didn't know if he could have explained why it bothered him so much, but his mind shied away every time he remembered how it felt to have Rodney's finger inside of him. It was just ... It made him uncomfortable.

 

He knew he liked guys. Although he'd never done much about it, he thought he was okay with the fact that he was bi. In fact, he'd always been a little smug about how well adjusted and open minded he was about the whole thing, about the way he'd never had any of the sexual identity crises they'd made after school specials about. But there was something about liking the feeling of things up his ass that seemed so ... gay.

 

John's method of ignoring it involved avoiding Rodney. That would have been difficult if they'd been in the field, but since they were on Atlantis, Rodney was practically hibernating in the labs anyway. John just stopped dropping in with coffee and power bars, and voila - instant avoidance.

 

He thought he was doing just fine until the first time he tried to jerk off. His hand knew just where to go, just how fast to pull, and just how hard to grip, but for once it wasn't enough. He used the other hand to tug at his nipples, skating around them teasingly and pinching them hard, trying to get enough sensation, but it still wasn't enough. Finally, he pulled the sheet up over him, like he was hiding from invisible eyes. He sucked on two fingers on his left hand and then reached them far back between his legs. He cringed inwardly as he fingered the edges of his asshole, but it felt shockingly good. For a minute he stayed like that, fisting his dick with one hand and brushing his opening with the other. But it still wasn't enough. It wasn't what his body wanted.

 

Taking a deep breath, he pushed in. It felt less weird than when Rodney had done it for he first time, possibly because he knew what to expect. He tried to reach the spot that Rodney had touched, twisting his body nearly in half in his efforts to get his finger deep enough. When he hit it, it sent a shockwave through him. He gripped his dick harder and started stripping his dick fast and rough, determined to come as soon as possible. It wasn't as good as when Rodney had done it. The angle was all wrong and he was getting a cramp in his side from bending that way, but it was still scarily amazing. He came after only a few more strokes, one finger of his left hand pressed tight into his ass.

 

He lay panting under the sheet for a few minutes, slightly horrified with himself. Then he straightened up, climbed out of bed, and went to wash his hands. He stared at himself in the mirror, trying to see if he looked any different than he ever had. Aside from looking flushed and mussed, he looked the same as always.

 

That didn't seem right.

 

***

 

It took three more jerk off sessions before John relaxed enough to stop avoiding Rodney. In his mind, he compared those solo sessions to the systematic desensitization he'd seen people with a fear of flying undergo. Not that he was afraid or anything. Definitely not.

He didn't make a big deal about calling off his disappearing act, he just showed up in the mess and dropped into the chair next to Rodney, who was complaining to Teyla about paper clips or nuclear reactors or something. Rodney paused in his tirade to give him a questioning look, but when John grinned and slid an extra Jello onto Rodney's tray, he shrugged and went back to his rant.

 

They wound up in Rodney's room that night. John thought it was a coincidence until Rodney pressed him down on the bed, still dressed, and turned to grab something from the nightstand. John caught sight of a small plastic bottle and stopped breathing. Rodney turned back to face him, wearing a triumphant smirk until he saw the look on John's face. John didn't know what he looked like, but it must have been disturbing, because Rodney stopped where he was.

 

"Are you okay?" he asked, shifting the bottle back and forth from hand to hand. Yup, if Rodney was worried, John must look pretty terrified.

 

John took a deep breath. He stared up at Rodney, taking in the big, clever hands playing nervously with a bottle of lube, the broad shoulder, tense and strained, the blue eyes, which were taking on that tragic look they always had when Rodney thought he'd done something wrong.

 

"John?" Rodney asked, and John wondered how long he'd been staring.

 

"That's me," John said slowly, trying for casual. "Could we try something different?" he asked. "Like, maybe I could try that on you?" He gestured toward the lube. He would be able to deal with liking Rodney's fingers in his ass sometime soon, he was sure. But not quite yet.

 

Instead of protesting as John had half-expected, Rodney's face lit up. "Really?" He asked delightedly. He started yanking his clothes off and dropping them to the floor. He plopped on the bed next to John and rolled onto his stomach, handing John the lube. John stared at him, noticing for the first time just how perfect Rodney's ass was, wondering what it would feel like inside. Rodney nudged him.

 

"Are you awake? That was a yes, John. Get with the program."

 

"On it," John said. He hurried out of his clothes and knelt between Rodney's legs. He slicked his fingers fast and then trailed them slowly, slowly over the curve of Rodney's ass.

 

Rodney twisted his head to look at John over his shoulder. "You okay with this?" he asked, wiggling his ass. Rodney didn't look like someone who was willing to put up with having things in his ass. He looked extremely enthusiastic about it, and perfectly willing to show it.

 

"Yeah," John said, trailing a finger lower. "Just getting used to the idea."

 

He didn't think it would take too much longer. He really was a very well-adjusted guy.

Comments

[rasah.livejournal.com]

lovely ;)

[allyndra.livejournal.com]

Thank you!

[silentflux]

Guh... That was amusing and hot and just... so John and Rodney! :D I loved this, hon! John, the well-adjusted guy... *chuckles* Just awesome! I often thing that McShep gets overwritten and overdone, but this was so wonderful! :) And the fact that John is the inexperienced one and the one who's more than a little unsettled was very nice to read! Loved this so much :)


...tiny mod request: can I ask you to also post it actually in the comm for me? I was just hoping to keep everything in one place. thanks ahead of time *grins*

[allyndra.livejournal.com]

I'm sorry! I think I even saw that request for everything to be posted on the comm, and I just spaced it when the time came. I've added it over there now.

Thanks so much for your comments. I don't know why, but in my personal canon, John is always the less experienced one. *shrugs* I'm glad you liked it!

[noracharles]

I enjoyed this very much! Clever and funny, and Rodney is subtly wonderful ^_^

[allyndra.livejournal.com]

Thank you! Rodney is wonderful in general, so I'm thrilled you found him so in this story, as well. :o)

[crownglass39.livejournal.com]

"Yeah," John said, trailing a finger lower. "Just getting used to the idea."

See? If they had slash on Atlantis then he'd be all set!

Seriously, though, I really liked this!

[allyndra.livejournal.com]

I've actually read a couple of "slash made me gay" stories. They always make me laugh. Thanks for your comments!

[imagechild.livejournal.com]

aahha!! John's sexual crisis beneath the sheets may very well be the most amusing/cute thing EVER. I can just see himself nearly breaking something trying to stretch around like that, and all the while the sheets fluttering and moving. Like he's reading a book after bedtime with no light and a lot more movement than necessary :D

adored it.

[blackchaps.livejournal.com]

Nice!

[ceitie.livejournal.com]

John is totally the kind of guy who would be proud that he never has sexual crises, 'cause, you know, he's cool! He's totally cool! And Rodney is awesome, with his big tragic eyes and his enthusiasm for having things in his ass. *g*

[springwoof.livejournal.com]

In his mind, he compared those solo sessions to the systematic desensitization he'd seen people with a fear of flying undergo. Not that he was afraid or anything. Definitely not.

poor John, all terrified...but trying his best to get over it....

very nicely done!

[catvampcrazines.livejournal.com]

Sweet and hot... with that touch of innocence. *G*

[lokte.livejournal.com]

I loved everything about this :)

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

Okay, first, I like the idea of John thinking he's very well-adjusted and such and then finding something that challenges that.

And second, I'm sorry, but it had to be said: SUPRIZE BUTTSECKS!

[allyndra.livejournal.com]

You have to love the sneak attack method of sexing John up. I know it's the strategy I would use if I ever got the chance. :o)

Thanks for commenting!

[eliyes.livejournal.com]

You have to love the sneak attack method of sexing John up. I know it's the strategy I would use if I ever got the chance. :o)

It's certainly the strategy most of the women who go for him in the show use. Why change a formula that seems to work?